Young Justice on Tomatoes
by Project Phoenix Agent 003
Summary: On January 7, 2011, the world was introduced to a show that proved that the young heroes of the DC universe were NOT to be called sidekicks. This... is not that story. Instead, follow the Team as they loosely follow the script of the first season of Young Justice, while making frequent stops to handle plot holes and inconsistencies. Note: Story contains no actual focus on tomatoes.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello and welcome one and all to my very own attempt to be funny via the format of a Young Justice parody. I've spent a decent chunk of time on it, and was actually debating putting even more effort into it. See, I was thinking of having each chapter cover an entire episode. But see, I started writing this, realized it was getting really long, and I wanted to make sure there was interest before I kept going, you know? So yeah, let me know if you guys like this/find it entertaining._

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 **EXT: GOTHAM CITY: BROAD DAYLIGHT**

[It is a warm and sunny 4th of July in beautiful Gotham City. Which is kind of weird when you get right down to it. Seriously, I thought this city was a crime infested cesspool drowning in eternal night? What is this? Barbecue? Sunshine? FUN?! Not today, Mack.]

[We see several shots of Gothamites in a park partaking in typical midsummer activities, like outdoor grilling and Frisbee. What we do not see is the incredibly large Austrian in a lumbering cryogenic suit, wielding a massive freeze cannon. He is MR. FREEZE, enemy of THE BATMAN. Lord only know how he was able to stroll all the way into the middle of the park without anyone noticing him, but the people of Gotham are not known for their intelligence. FREEZE, without discernible provocation or motive, freezes some people. As if this was their cue, people finally start running and screaming. FREEZE kind of, sort of, not really corners another family, but they do not run.]

FREEZE: (In a heavy Austrian accent) What's a picnic without a little ice-scream?

[He freezes the family, smiling smugly to himself.]

FREEZE: Classic.

 **EXT: GOTHAM CITY: DAY, BUT ALSO IT'S SNOWING NOW**

[FREEZE slides down an ice slide and prepares to fire his gun again, but a batarang hits his weapon, throwing off his aim and causing the beam to hit something off screen. Several angry murmurs are heard.]

SMALL BOYISH VOICE: Oops! Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean-

[The voice is interrupted by more angry murmurs.]

BOYISH VOICE: Okay, sorry! I'm going!

[FREEZE searches for the source of the voice, firing blindly in any direction he suspects of being the correct one. Several bystanders are turned into popsicles in the process, but the SMALL BOYISH VOICE continues to yelp every time a shot is fired, indicating its owner is still not frozen. Suddenly, ROBIN, crime fighting partner of THE BATMAN, leaps into view, lands on FREEZE's head and then leaps off, landing in front of FREEZE and throwing two shuriken at him. Odd, considering he threw a batarang earlier, but, either way, they both miss. Badly.]

ROBIN: Oops.

FREEZE: Ah, Boy Wonder. Did the Bat think he was too cool to face me himself?

ROBIN: (laughs nervously) Yeah, about that…

[Not far away, THE BATMAN is frozen in a rather comprising position, having been encased in ice mid-heroic leap. One of ROBIN's thrown shuriken bounces off of his frozen form, which stirs slightly as an angry growl makes its way out of the ice.]

ROBIN: Seriously thought the cannon was gonna get knocked in a different direction. My bad.

[FREEZE readies his freeze cannon.]

FREEZE: (not understanding) Well, if he wants to give me the cold shoulder, then I shall return the favor.

ROBIN: Wait. Aside from that being a terrible pun, that doesn't make any sense!

[FREEZE's cannon is charged and ready to fire, but he holds off at the Boy Wonder's words.}

FREEZE: What?

ROBIN: Wouldn't you need to freeze Batman in order to return the favor?

FREEZE: Well… no, because you are here.

ROBIN: But I'm not Batman. I didn't give you the cold shoulder. So why Freeze me? Actually, why freeze any of these people? You're usually about stealing diamonds or freezing Gotham. What was the plan here? Very slowly cover the entire city in ice with your handheld canon? That's take hours, if not days. And it's July!

[As ROBIN continues to talk, his shuriken continue their flight. They bounce off, among other things, an overturned barbecue grill, a dog that was frozen partway through claiming a fire hydrant, each other, and a passing ice cream van.]

ROBIN: I'm just saying, I'm seeing a lot of holes in this plan of yours here. Did you even have a plan?

[By this point, FREEZE has begun to lose his temper…ature. Sorry, couldn't resist. Tired of ROBIN's rantings, he aims his freeze canon once more.]

FREEZE: ENOUGH! You are the sidekick of the Batman! The Batman is not here. So I will freeze you, which transitively will be like giving Batman the cold shoulder!

ROBIN: Dude, chill out. It was just a question.

[FREEZE screams in rage and is about to pull the trigger to turn ROBIN into a bird-sicle, but the two shuriken have completed their inexplicable journey, and strike FREEZE in his big domed head, shattering the glass and releasing a cloud of vapor. FREEZE falls to his knees.]

FREEZE: I'm melting! Meeelllltiiiiinnng! AURGH! AUGH! WHY?! WHAT A WORLD!

ROBIN: Holy crap! I killed him!

[The vapor finishes dissipating. Freeze is still there, and actually doesn't look half bad.]

ROBIN: So… not dead then?

FREEZE: No.

ROBIN: But… but you can't survive in the heat! Or anything above sub-zero!

FREEZE: My entire body is still encased in my suit. Would you get hot if your head was in the sun and the rest of you was in an ice chest?

ROBIN: Well… no. Fair point.

[FREEZE aims his cannon again, ready to finally end this.]

FREEZE: Goodbye, Boy-Wonder. It has been…whelming.

ROBIN: Wait, what?

[FREEZE never gets the chance to explain, as a Bat-shaped shadow suddenly eclipses and engulfs the area surrounding FREEZE. The villain turns around in time to watch BATMAN's fist slam into his face as heroic music swells in the background. FREEZE is knocked out… cold. Oh don't give me that look, that pun was golden! Kill joy.]

[ROBIN, noticing BATMAN's glare, smiles sheepishly.]

ROBIN: Uh…(nervous laughter) Hi.

 **EXT: STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY**

[There is average traffic flow on the Star City bridge, because nobody honestly wants to draw that many cars. It's just tedious. The bridge is under attack by ICICLE JR., an ice themed supervillain nobody had heard of before this show aired. He is creating various ice ramps and loop-de-loops to throw cars off course. A mixture of screams and cries of excited glee can be heard from the occupants of the victimized cars. ICICLE JR. is having fun, when an arrow embeds itself in his shoulder and explodes, causing one of his ice loop-de-loops to collapse and drop a car on its roof.]

ICICLE JR.: Finally! I was wondering what a guy had to do get a little attention… around…here?

[He looks around, but sees no one holding a bow and arrow who might have shot him.]

ICICLE JR.: Um… hello?

 **EXT: TOP OF THE STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY**

[GREEN ARROW and his sidekick-]

SPEEDY: Don't call me a sidekick!

[…his sidekick SPEEDY-]

SPEEDY: I hate you.

[-are standing atop the Star City bridge, bows drawn back, trying to get a bead on a very tiny dot they're fairly sure is ICICLE JR. It's kind of hard to tell from the top of a massive suspension bridge.]

GREEN ARROW: Did he say something?

SPEEDY: I don't know! I can barely see the little cretin from up here.

GREEN ARROW: Ah well, just keep shooting.

 **EXT: STAR CITY BRIDGE: DAY**

[ICICLE JR. is still standing around, kind of confused, when another arrow, dropping down like a missile, stabs him in the shoulder and then, after a bit of incessant beeping, explodes, briefly knocking the villain off balance.]

ICICLE JR.: Seriously, where is that coming from?

[Two more arrows land on him in quick succession, finally allowing him to figure out what direction they're coming from. ICICLE JR. finally spots two very small dots at the top of the bridge. Their silhouettes are pretty blurry at this distance, but ICICLE JR. is pretty sure he can make out the shape of archers in them.]

ICICLE JR.: Is that…?

[The arrows sticking in him finishes beeping, and explodes in his face.]

ICICLE JR.: Alright, it's on now!

[ICICLE JR.'s arms increase in size as he builds up ice to throw at the archers. He gets about halfway through the attack before more arrows hit him, beep a bit, and explode, shattering the ice on his arms and ruining his attack.]

ICICLE JR.: (growling in anger) Will you-!

[More arrows hit, beep, and explode.]

ICICLE JR.: Quit-!

[Another arrow hits, beeps, and explodes.]

ICICLE JR.: It-!

[Two more arrows hit, beep, and explode.]

ICICLE JR.: QUIT IT!

[A massive volley of arrows hit him, turning him into a pincushion as they hit him in the shoulders, arms, legs, and crotch. ICICLE JR. staggers back, the arrows bouncing gently with the movement but not dislodging. ICICLE JR. lets out a low, pained whimper, unable to speak. A final arrow arcs down from above, lodging itself in his knee, before all of the arrows begin to beep incessantly and then, as one, explode, knocking him out.]

[GREEN ARROW and SPEEDY descend from above on zip line arrows to examine the villain, who lies motionless in the street but is somehow still alive. He is groaning, down for the count, as the two heroes stand victoriously over him.]

GREEN ARROW: Kid had an Achilles heel.

SPEEDY: (sarcastically) Hilarious. And also kind of inaccurate. Can we go? Today's the day.

GREEN ARROW: Hang on one second. I gotta tweet this.

[GREEN ARROW pulls an arrow from his quiver that has, of all things, a smart phone attached to the end of it, and uses it to snap a selfie with ICICLE JR.'s prone form.]

INT: GREEN ARROW'S TWITTER PROFILE: TWITTER TIME

[A new tweet is added to TheArrow's feed. It is GREEN ARROW's selfie with ICICLE JR., along with the text: I used to be a supervillain, then I took an #Arrow to the knee!]

 **EXT: CENTRAL CITY: DAY**

[CAPTAIN COLD has just held up a liquor store. In addition to freezing the cashier's feet to the floor and hands to the counter, he has actually stolen a bag of ice. Why he would do this when he has a gun that literally makes ice, one can only guess at, but, regardless, it is technically still stealing, and, thus, a crime. In response, two crime fighting red and yellow blurs are attempting to wise crack him into submission. The blurs are THE FLASH and KID FLASH.]

FLASH: Stealing ice? Isn't that kind of… pointless? Especially for Captain Cold?

[In response to this, CAPTAIN COLD fires his freeze ray. It misses both heroes, and instead hits a passing house cat.

KID FLASH: Seriously, Snart. You never win. Let it go.

FLASH: Heheh. Nice.

KID FLASH: Thanks.

[CAPTAIN COLD, smarter than his name, outfit, powers, and track record on the show would imply, realizes the heroes are too busy throwing out one liners to do anything other than circle him. He applies the kind of hyper advanced tactics a mortal man would need to go up against THE FLASH… and fires his gun at the ground they're running on. To COLD's elation this actually works, tripping up both speedsters and sending them careening into a wall. He immediately makes a break for it while they peel themselves off of said wall.]

KID FLASH: Lucky shot.

FLASH: He's getting away!

[They both pause, share a look, and then burst out laughing, doubling over. KID FLASH has to remove his goggles to wipe tears from his eyes.]

KID FLASH: Alright, we're done here.

[KID FLASH and FLASH both sprint after COLD, who, relative to them, is basically standing still. Needless to say, they catch up. In fact, they catch up so quickly, that they have time to leave. FLASH goes to a pie shop, leaving money on the counter for the two pies he swipes. After eating one, he returns to slam the other into COLD's face. KID FLASH deposits the frozen cat from earlier in COLD's path, then watches as the villain trips over it in slow motion. Chuckling to himself, he pulls COLD's hood over his eyes and yanks on the strings before swiping COLD's freeze ray and tossing it into the air. FLASH runs by, catching the gun and dismantling it before dumping the pieces on COLD as the villain finally finishes falling and crashes to the street.]

FLASH: You think the pie was too much?

KID FLASH: No way. Now let's go. Today's the day!

 **EXT: FROZEN PEARL HARBOR: SNOWY DUSK**

[AQUAMAN, king of Atlantis, and his protégé, AQUALAD, are in the middle of a battle against KILLER FROST on the deck of a ship trapped in the frozen waters of a frozen shipyard. As it is July, we can assume the ice and the snow is KILLER FROST'S doing.]

AQUAMAN: So, you excited?

AQUALAD: I do not believe now is the time for this.

AQUAMAN: Aw come on, sure it is!

AQUALAD: We are fighting a supervillain!

AQUAMAN: And?

[KILLER FROST fires an ice blast, trapping AQUAMAN from the neck down. AQUAMAN doesn't really seem to notice, and with a flex of his royal muscles shatters the ice encasing him.]

AQUAMAN: Not like we're in actual danger.

[AQUALAD takes cover to avoid another freeze blast. AQUAMAN remains unconcerned about the actual battle, and remains standing still.]

AQUALAD: We could be killed!

[As if the universe were determined to stick it to AQUALAD, several large icicles fired by KILLER FROST hit AQUAMAN, and shatter harmlessly on his super-dense skin. AQUAMAN has a smug look on his face.]

AQUAMAN: No, I don't think so.

AQUALAD: So you're just going to stand there?

AQUAMAN: I figure Frost can tire herself out, right?

AQUALAD: My king, it is bystander behavior like this that lead some people to call you a useless superhero!

AQUAMAN: (shocked) People say I'm useless?

AQUALAD: Often.

AQUAMAN: But I have super strength! I'm invulnerable enough to survive pressure at the bottom of the ocean. I can breathe air and water and communicate with sea life using low level telepathy! I'm king of the ocean! Do they know how much of this planet is ocean? I'm basically king of Earth.

AQUALAD: I believe the expression is "preaching to the choir."

[KILLER FROST, meanwhile, is quite annoyed with being ignored, and freezes both heroes while they are distracted assuaging their own insecurities. For a moment, they are both frozen in a block of ice, mid-conversation. For a moment, she cackles in victory. Then an electrical current shatters the ice and frees them.]

AQUAMAN: That was rude. Aqualad?

AQUALAD: Of course, my king.

[AQUALAD creates twin water maces and attacks KILLER FROST. Realizing that things might not be going her way after all, she freezes his weapons, and then immediately sees her mistake as AQUALAD smashes them on her head, knocking her out.]

AQUAMAN: See, told you we were good. So?

AQUALAD: Yes, I'm excited. Today is the day.

 **EXT: THE HALL OF JUSTICE, WASHINGTON D.C: DAY**

[We cut to several shots of the Hall of Justice, with its massive domed entrance, enormous neon sign, and a massive solid gold statue in the front. We are very impressed.]

[BATMAN, ROBIN, AQUAMAN, AQUALAD, GREEN ARROW, and SPEEDY all stand in front of the Hall of Justice. There's a red carpet laid out for them, flanked on both sides by reporters and cameras.]

GREEN ARROW: Welcome to the Hall of Justice.

AQUAMAN: Headquarters of the Justice League.

GREEN ARROW: Superhero party central.

AQAUMAN: Where dreams are made.

GREEN ARROW: And the streets are lined with gold.

[Everyone looks at him incredulously.]

GREEN ARROW: Sorry. Got a bit carried away with the hype talk…This is the place.

[Everyone nods, then stands around awkwardly for a bit. SPEEDY checks his watch. ROBIN begins playing Angry Birds on his wrist computer. AQUAMAN and AQUALAD begin watching the land fish, or "birds," as the surface dwellers call them. BATMAN gives an impatient groan, and glares. Finally, FLASH and KID FLASH arrive, wearing Hawaiian leis and eating out of Chinese takeout cups.]

KID FLASH: (With his mouth half full of dumplings) Oh man! I knew that drive through was too slow.


	2. Chapter 2

_And I'm back! Well, we only got one review, but we got three faves and plenty of reads, so I'm going to keep running with this thing! Yay for that, right? Right. So, this chapter is about as long as the last one. I'd really like to know what your guys' thoughts are on length. Because I can either do shorter chapters like this and have them come out more often, or longer ones that cover a full episode each, and take longer to come out. Thoughts? Actually, not just thoughts on length. In general, thoughts?_

 **EXT: THE HALL OF JUSTICE, WASHINGTON D.C: DAY**

[THE FLASH, BATMAN, GREEN ARROW, AQUAMAN, KID FLASH, ROBIN, SPEEDY, and AQUALAD walk down the red carpet to the entrance of the Hall of Justice, flanked on both sides by reporters and fans. Okay, not going to lie, it's mostly fans.]

FANGIRL #1: Oh. My. Gawd. Mom. Mom. Momomomomomom! It's Batman and _Robin_! Oh my God, his butt is so cute. I need to touch it.

FANGIRL #2: Look! It's Flash and Yellow Flash!

FANGIRL #3: (in a stuck-up know it all voice) Ugh. His name's _Speedy_.

FANGIRL #4: No, Speedy's Green Arrow's sidekick!

FANGIRL #3: That makes no sense.

FANGIRL #1: Who cares, look at his arms! AGH! My body is ready.

[Hearing this conversation in passing, SPEEDY'S eye twitches, and he gnaws on his bow to avoid screaming that he isn't a sidekick, because you can only use that line so many times before it sinks in for everyone that no matter how cool the lines sounds in promos they are, in fact, still sidekicks.]

SPEEDY: I'M NOT A SIDEKICK!

[Well that went out the window. GREEN ARROW, noticing his sidekick is less than happy, throws an arm around his shoulders and leads him away from the innocent, squishy bystanders.]

GREEN ARROW: How about we go inside now, kiddo?

[SPEEDY angrily mutters incoherently under his breath, but follows along into the inner sanctum where the heroes are greeted by fifty-foot, solid gold statues of the founding seven members of the Justice League as heroic music plays. We are all impressed.]

KID FLASH: (whistles) Well, I'm feeling kind of whelmed now. You think they're compensating for something?

[An important looking door labeled JUSTICE LEAGUE AND JANITORIAL PERSONNEL ONLY opens, revealing MARTIAN MANHUNTER and RED TORNADO, a superhero very few people knew about before this show aired.]

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Robin, Speedy, Aqualad, Kid Flash, welcome. Let us begin the tour.

[The young heroes smile enthusiastically, following MARTIAN MANHUNTER and RED TORNADO. Their enthusiasm quickly fades as MARTIAN MANHUNTER begins an incredibly long, slow monologue detailing the rich history, both fictional and publication, of the Justice League in all its incarnations as they walk the halls of… the Hall.]

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: -in March, 1960 in The Brave & the Bold #28. It consisted of Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, Aquaman, and myself. The "classic" line-up was later adapted into an animated television series in 2001, featuring again Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, and myself, with the addition of Batman, Superman, and Hawkgirl. However, a continuit wide reboot dubbed "the New 52"...

[The tour continues for several more hours, through several rooms. By this point, the the sidekicks have hunched over, and are dragging their feet as they ruefully follow along, silently crying out for an explanation of how the building could be so big, and silently cursing DC for creating so many different versions and reboots of their properties. Eventually though, the tour does come to its conclusion.]

MARTAIN MANHUNTER: -milkshakes so thick, you have to eat them with a spoon. But I digress. You now have unlimited access to the gym, our fully stocked galley-

[FLASH, who is carrying a bucket in one hand and a turkey leg in the other, stops chewing and shrugs. "Fully stocked" is probably stretching it at the moment.]

MARTIAN MANHUNTER: -and of course, our library.

[They enter the library, and the entire group sighs in obvious relief that their ordeal is finally over. They flop into the scattered chairs to take a load off and try to unlearn half a decade of comic book history. All except SPEEDY, who is watching their mentors as they gather near another important door, this one labeled ACTUAL JUSTICE LEAGUE MEMBERS ONLY.]

BATMAN: Quick meeting to discuss the coincidence of four ice villains with nonexistent plans attacking on the same day. We shouldn't be long.

[The adult heroes turn to the important door, and a small camera drops from the ceiling.]

COMPUTER: (In the voice of a doting Jewish mother.) Oh hi. How's it goin' boys? You gonna go hang in the secret club house? That's great. What's the password?

AQUAMAN: What?

COMPUTER: That's not the password.

FLASH: I didn't know we had a password.

BATMAN: We don't.

COMPUTER: That's not the password either, dear.

RED TORNADO: I believe Captain Marvel mentioned something about "the club house" needing a "secret password." He said it would be "cooler".

BATMAN: Captain Marvel?

RED TORNADO: Affirmative.

BATMAN: ...password.

COMPUTER: Oh hey Batman, how's it going? Arrow, Red, Manhunter, Aquaman, Flash. Good to see ya. Come in, come in!

[The doors open. SPEEDY, realizing that's all there is, is quite upset by this.]

SPEEDY: That's it?! You promised us a real look inside, not a glorified backstage pass!

AQUAMAN: Hey man, calm down. This is superhero central. You've got prime, exclusive access.

[At that moment, the door to the library opens and in marches through a procession of tourists in novelty Justice League t-shirts and other merchandise, led by a bright blue suited tour guide.]

TOUR GUIDE: So that was the gym and the poorly stocked galley, and _this_ is the li… brar…

[He trails off, seeing SPEEDY'S eye twitch, and swallows hard before hurriedly shooing his tour procession out. After the door shut behind them, SPEEDY turned to the adult heroes with a raised eyebrow.]

BATMAN: (to GREEN ARROW) I told you those were a bad idea.

GREEN ARROW: I was trying to get some extra cash.

BATMAN: I already told you you're not getting your own statue in the lobby.

SPEEDY: Enough! Today was supposed to be _the_ day. No more sharpening arrows or replying to trolls on their Twitter feeds. No more waxing the motorcycles. No more being called sidekicks by the damn narrator!

[The sidekick was really losing his temper now.]

SPEEDY: And you're next!

[Eat your feathered hat, I'm immortal.]

SPEEDY: Today was supposed to be our first step to being real heroes! To joining the Justice League!

[The other sidekicks exchange looks, shrugging. They're taking the situation much better than SPEEDY seems to be.]

AQUALAD: Of course. But I was under the impression that step one was a tour of the League's headquarters.

SPEEDY: Except the Hall isn't the League's HQ!

[KID FLASH and AQUALAD look shocked. ROBIN is mildly surprised, but not by the news. Instead, he is surprised by the reactions of his friends. Behind SPEEDY, the other mentors are surprised to realize that SPEEDY knows the truth. GREEN ARROW very quietly begins shuffling towards the closest exit.]

SPEEDY: I bet they never told you that it's just a front for tourists and merchandise pushing, and a place to catch Technobabble Tubes to the real thing! An orbiting satellite called the Watchtower!

[GREEN ARROW turns tail and bolts, but only gets a whole foot before BATMAN grabs him by the arm and holds him in the room with a glare.]

GREEN ARROW: Heheh. Funny story about that.

 **EXT: THE ARROW CAVE: DAY (ONE YEAR AGO)**

[SPEEDY is practicing his shooting when GREEN ARROW saunters in like he always does. Rather disinterestedly, the sidekick acknowledges his mentor with a nod of his head.]

SPEEDY: Hey. Where were you?

GREEN ARROW: Oh, some Justice League stuff.

SPEEDY: So the Hall of Justice?

GREEN ARROW: Whaaat? That place's a glorified gift shop. The League's real HQ- way more kickass. It's an orbiting satellite called the Watchtower!

 **INT: HALL OF JUSTICE: NOW**

GREEN ARROW: My bad.

SPEEDY: You know what? We don't have to take this! We quit! Come on gang, let's go!

[SPEEDY defiantly snaps his fingers, and turns on his heel to leave. Halfway across the room, it occurs to him that nobody is following him. He turns back around, facing his fellow sidekicks.]

SPEEDY: You guys are joking, right?

[They shrug in response.]

ROBIN: I kinda _can't_ quit, so...yeah.

SPEEDY: They're treating us like kids! They kept the secrets from you guys!

ROBIN: You mean the Watchtower thing? Yeah, I kind of already knew that too.

[AQUALAD and KID FLASH look at ROBIN in surprise.]

ROBIN: Wait, are you guys telling me you actually thought that the Justice League would have their actual headquarters this exposed, and this full of people? The League's not that stu…

[He trails off, considering his words and everything he knows about the various members of the Justice League. He clears his throat.]

ROBIN: Well, whatever, they still would never actually use this as a headquarters. Kinda surprised that didn't occur to anyone.

SPEEDY: You know what, screw it. I'm done.

[SPEEDY throws his hat defiantly onto the floor. Everyone in the room sans BATMAN wear appropriately shocked expressions. He leaves, leaving everyone to stare at the door for a bit until it opens, and SPEEDY walks back in, walks up to GREEN ARROW, and takes a fistful of arrows from his quiver.]

SPEEDY: I'm taking these with me.

[He leaves again. A few moments later, he returns and pilfers through GREEN ARROW'S belt, this time taking a credit card.]

SPEEDY: And this.

[He leaves for a third time. Everyone is still stunned. SPEEDY returns, and takes a set of keys from GREEN ARROW'S pocket.]

SPEEDY: I'm also taking the car.

[SPEEDY exits once more. By now, everyone's shocked expressions are gone, replaced by awkward glances around the room. SPEEDY returns, and picks his hat up off the floor.]

SPEEDY: I like this hat.

[Exit SPEEDY, for good this is an awkward silence, and ROBIN very quietly goes back to playing Angry Birds on his wrist computer. Gracefully, the plot returns to kill the silence in the form of a skype call from SUPERMAN on the massive supercomputer.]

SUPERMAN: Superman to Justice League, there's been an explosion at Project Cadmus. It's on fire.

BATMAN: Has the entire D.C. fire department gone missing?

SUPERMAN: No, they're on site now. They actually have it under control.

BATMAN: So you're telling us about the fire why?

SUPERMAN: We're the Justice League! Sworn protectors of all mankind! Heroism demands it.

BATMAN: More likely the plot demands it. Suspicious. I should probably-

[BATMAN and SUPERMAN are both cut off as a the computer automatically answers another Skype call, this one from ZATARRA, a magic superhero very few people had heard of before this show aired.]

ZATARRA: Zatarra to Justice League! The sorcerer Wotan is using a The Orb of Magical Sun Blotting to blot out the sun!

BATMAN: You see Superman, _this_ is something you'd call the Justice League for. (He opens a Skype call to all Justice League members.) All Justice Leagues rendezvous at Zatarra's coordinates, Batman out.

SUPERMAN: On my wa- Oh no, there's a cat stuck in a tree!

[BATMAN closes Skype, and turns to the sidekicks.]

BATMAN: Stay put.

ROBIN: Can do.

KID FLASH: We're not coming with?

FLASH: Sorry, Kid, you're not… oh crap how do I put this?

KID FLASH: Not what? Not trained? Not old enough? Not good enough?

FLASH: That's it! Yes, one or more of those things. Sorry, you're not coming.

[AQUALAD looks to AQUAMAN expectantly. AQUAMAN bites his lip for a second before shaking his head.]

AQUAMAN: Sorry. We'll hang out later, I swear.

KID FLASH: But-

[KID FLASH is silenced by FLASH affectionately super speed-ruffling his hair. KID FLASH glares in response.]

FLASH: We'll bring you on these kinds of missions when you're ready. But, for now-

BATMAN: (Bat-glare) Stay. Put.

[AQUALAD and KID FLASH both stand down. ROBIN has already gone back to Angry Birds on the couch. All real members of the Justice League leave, and the sidekicks are alone in the Hall of Justice. Well, except for the many, many tourists, and the janitorial staff. KID FLASH is fuming.]

KID FLASH: When we're ready? I _am_ ready! I was born ready! I'm so ready I make everyone else look not ready!

AQUALAD: I'm sure you do.

KID FLASH: They'll see! I'll go on my own mission, and I'll prove I'm ready.

ROBIN: (whilst still playing Angry Birds) That train kinda already left the station with SPEEDY, remember? Even if we wanted to go on our own mission, where would we start?

[They all look sad for a bit until the plot descends from on high to give AQUALAD an idea.]

AQUALAD: What is… Project Cadmus?

KID FLASH: Ha! "What is Project Cadmus?" (whispers to ROBIN) What's Project Cadmus?

ROBIN: Don't know.

[They scheming is interrupted by a Skype call on the computer from SUPERMAN, who is now holding a kitten in his arms.]

SUPERMAN: Good news everyone, I saved her! But Cadmus is still- Hello? Where is everyone?

ROBIN: The blotting out the sun mission?

SUPERMAN: Oh, right! That! I'll head straight over! But wait, what about the fire at Project Cadmus?

ROBIN: The fire department's got it? We're crime fighters, not volunteer firemen. Besides, don't you have sun to save?

SUPERMAN: The fire!

ROBIN: Look, if we promise to go to Cadmus, will you please hang up and go do something that actually matters?

SUPERMAN: Sounds like a plan! Good luck, sidekicks!

[He hangs up, and ROBIN rolls his eyes.]

AQUALAD: And they say Aquaman is useless.

KID FLASH: (to ROBIN) Wait, are you going to Cadmus? Because if you're going, I'm going.

ROBIN: What? No, I just said that to… well, actually, Batman is suspicious. And if he is…

KID FLASH: Yes! Come on Aqualad! This is could my- I mean our -big chance!

AQUALAD: Just like that? A team on a mission, solving the Justice League's cases before they do?

ROBIN: The plot does demand it.

[AQUALAD mulls this idea over in his head for a bit, before shrugging and giving his two friends a smile. KID FLASH fist pumps, and indeed, just like that, a team is formed. Now, this whole business of solving cases on the other hand… well, we'll see, I guess.]

EXTERIOR: PROJECT CADMUS: DUSK

[True to SUPERMAN'S report, Project Cadmus is indeed on fire. Also true to the report, the fire department has things completely under control. Well, the fire bit anyway. There are some people trapped in the building who are totally going to die in a couple seconds unless somebody does something like right now, but the fire's pretty much under control.]

[Hey, does anyone else find it weird that fires can be called "under control" when it's still clearly burning the place to the ground? I would think under control means you've basically put it out, but I've seen tons of huge ass fires on the news and they call them "under control." What gives? Oh, right, the plot. Ahem. Two scientists are standing at one of the windows of the burning building, apparently trapped.]

FIREFIGHTER: Attention people in the window! Remain calm! We will get you down!

SCIENTIST #1: Are you getting a ladder?

FIREFIGHTER: Er, no.

SCIENTIST #2: Have you sent someone inside to get us?

FIREFIGHTER: Uh, no, we haven't done that either. But we're spraying the flamey windows with hoses!

SCIENTIST #1: This room is literally about to explode! Get us down from here!

FIREFIGHTER: Working on it, I swear! (to his crew) Alright, somebody figure out their next of kin.

[KID FLASH streaks onto the scene, zipping up the side of the building and grabbing the two scientists. He deposits them on the roof, but can't quite get up himself, and ends up dangling from the roof.]

FIREFIGHTER: Look! It's-what's-his-face!

KID FLASH: Kid Flash!

FIREFIGHTER: Look! It's Flash boy!

[Down below, AQUALAD and ROBIN arrive on scene as well.]

AQUALAD: We're going to need to get him down from there, aren't we?

ROBIN: I'm on it.

[ROBIN retrieves his grappling hook from his utility belt and expertly flips onto the roof of the firetruck before firing is hook to swing off the ladder. Unfortunately, there wasn't quite enoug momentum in his swing, and after a few awkward pendelum motions, ROBIN is left aimlessly dangling from the firetruck's ladder.]

ROBIN: Man, today is just not my day.

[He activates the reeling function to try and hoist himself up. At a speed roughly equivalent to a carnival crane machine, ROBIN is winched upwards. He sighs, knowing this could take a while. AQUALAD, meanwhile, has borrowed the water from the firetruck's hose to create a water elevator. He picks up KID FLASH, and ROBIN, and carries them all inside.]

SCIENTIST #1: Hello? Still on the roof here!

FIREFIGHTER: Working on it!


End file.
